Spiritual Warfare, Fears, and Such

Right now, I am loving this whole blogging-website. I am finding it very useful to inform you of things have have recently happened. One of which is on spiritual warfare.

Yesterday, for the 4th of July, Chris and I went to Tracy to visit his high school youth pastor Harley, his wife Abbey, and their 10 month-old daughter Grace. The trip was nice and relaxing and I got to play with little Gracie quite a bit (she's sooooo cute). And since Abbey's parents were in town at the same time, they got the guest bedroom, which left Chris and I in the living room. I was given the couch to sleep on and Chris took the floor. Everything was fine until I fell into a deep sleep and ended up having the biggest nightmare of my life. Since I did not have a pen and paper handy right after I woke up, I can recall the main parts as I type this out - here it goes.

Chris and I were searching for a new church to attend - you now, just testing the waters out. We arrived at this one church that resembled the little chapel in Disney's Robin Hood (the animated movie). Since it was small and cute, and I tend to gravitate towards both those features, we went inside. Inside the church, the small congregation was nice and courteous and welcomed us with open arms. We decided to stay at that church and get connected. None of our other friends and family were there, it was just us that found the church and decided to attend it. There was a little town connected to the church and it was enclosed by an old concerte wall that was approximately 4.5 - 5 feet tall. There were nice houses and a grocery store and everything else that we would need within those walls. Part of the church's beliefs were that we all needed to live together - that we would be mocked by outsiders and that in order to stay strong in the faith, we needed to stay among believers. AND once we set up home within the concrete walls, we were to stay there, in order to stay safe. At the time, all of this made sense. As more time went on, I realized that the church was brainwashing us into believing certain things. I fought as hard as I could to not fall into their trap. They would pin me to the ground and try to torture me, trying to get me to understand and believe what they were telling me was the truth. Again and again, I fought back. Chris came up to me and told me that he remembered that he was given three weeks of vacation from work, and that he didn't want me to accompany him, instead, some other girl whose name I can't remember would be. He then added that he wanted to break up.

I remember not saying anything after that, turning around, and running away with my face burried in my hands and sobbing. But, I had to keep it together. The other townspeople were very concerned with other people's business and "keeping each other accountable" so they said. I got a note passed to me on a post-it note saying that "You don't need him anyway." I hadn't even told anyone and nobody was there when it happened, either! Creepy! And I never saw Chris again.

That's when I found Andrew Hartman within the concrete walls. He said that he had also joined the church and then asked me how I was doing. I told him I was fine. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me that Chris had told him everything and that I can take my walls down. I started to sob again. And Andrew whisped in my ear about there being a way out of the "village" and that Brett Best was there waiting for us on the other side. At this point I noticed other people around us and I motioned to Andrew to keep things quiet. A few minutes later, another post-it note arrived at my door. Someone was listening to our conversation fairly close and was able to pick up the words Brett - waiting - other side, which were noted on the post-it and it also contained a message stating that they knew what the plans were and they wouldn't let me go. I felt so incredibly alone and helpless and hopeless. I was surrounded by fear, and fear was starting to get the best of me.

The next thing I remember is sitting nex to our "priest" on a concrete bench; he held a "Bible" in his hands and was trying to "cast the deamons out" of me while at the same time, trying to hypnotize me that when my children (apparently I had some, who knows?) are disobeying me, they deserved to die. Again, I started to fight him and sobbed the entire time. Andrew was then led down a path that led to myself and the "pastor". He was bound by rope and the priest then told me that if I wanted Andrew to live, then I would have to profess his doctorine as truth. I told him no and the pastor then lit a match and held it to Andrew's face and I saw him slowly burn in the flames.

I woke up from this sobbing. After a few minutes of non-stop tears flowing down my cheeks, I stopped and realized that there was no way that my mind could have imagined all of that. It was so real to me! In my dream, I was living my worst fear - separation. In my dream, I was separated from my friends, my family, my church, my boyfriend, my real home, and they were trying to separate me from my faith, my (future???) children, my one friend, everything. And I started to panic. But the one thing that they could not take away from me was my God and my faith. It's what got me through the nightmare and back to "reality." I started to pray, over and over again for God to remind me that I am not alone, that I am not separated from the one thing in this world that matters the most - Him. I got up to the bathrom to wipe my tears away and I got back into my sleeping bag. I was still shook up from the nightmare, and was crying a bit. AND THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME - EVER! I have never been so shaken by a dream before. I looked down and Chris was asleep 3 feet away from me. I knew that Satan was behind my nightmare and I wanted so badly to wake him up and tell him. But something in my mind was telling me not to because it's not nice to wake people up in the middle of the night and interrupt their sleep. I was feeding into this lie for about 10-15 minutes, as I sat there in bed, wondering - should I or shouldn't I.

Eventually, I got up and went to the bathroom again to wipe my tears away and came back to the living room where I woke Chris up and told him a short version of the nightmare. There was so much going through my mind and I couldn't remember every detail about the dream, so it probably sounded all jumbled up. He just listened, held me in his arms and prayed over me. My breathing came back to its normal speed and eventually I went back to my own bed. But I was still being plagued by this nightmare and how Satan used by worst fear against me in so many different levels. I sang worship songs in my head to fall back alseep which took about 45 minutes to happen. What a crazy night! I think for the next few weeks, I will only be listening to worship songs in my car.

And I thought by letting you know about this attack, it will not only unite us as friends, loved ones, and family, but also help keep you aware of the spiritual warfare that rages all around us. I pray that you are never attacked (especially like I was) and your faith and strength simply multiplies exponentially.

As I have been reminded, you will never be alone; never truly alone. God is always here and he will never leave you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).